♥ Tuesday, February 2, 2010 @ 8:52 PM
assalamualaikum.....
at this point of time...im seated alone in my room...
granny tot i was sleeping after i consume my medicine...but,im not...here i am updating my blog...sorry granny,i'll sleep soon...
this moment...many things is running thru my mind...hard for me to explain it one by one...
i felt like im useless...theres no use for me to live in this world...
but for a reason,i must...for my granny sake i'll live in this planet earth,that nothing makes it easy...
the only person that cares for me when im lying on my bed is only my granny...i love you nenek...she's there for me to share my sadness and joy...she's alweiz there for me,im grateful to hv her...my granny loves me alot and i loves her alot...
i cnt imagine how my life wud be if my granny is no longer in this world...i cnt....i dun want it to happen....i rather die first than to see her leaving me forever....furthermore,im sick....my personal doctor once told me that i'll die anytime coz my blood pressure is running low...thats the reason why my granny is so scare whenever i fall sick...she dont want me to go...thats how huge her love towards me...
but when im sick like now,all i want to do is follow my late papa...but,i also dun want to leave my granny alone...i cnt bare to see her sad...
lately,my granny cried and cried in her bedroom...she tot i didnt noe....and yes,she cried....i tried to figure out why she cried but she dun wanna tell me...during prayer time,she alweiz pray and say my name,she's hoping for my fast recovery...thankx granny....i noe her loves is true towards me...unlike others...
i stay in my rooms for hours and everything that onces happen to me kept playing in my mind...
every single thing that onces cause me to cry a thousand tears...running thru my mind...not a single thing i'd missout...i tot that person already knew wat i like and wat i dislike,but i was wrong...again i was hurt...hurt by the truth that cnt be deny anymore....it seems like he still remember her...still think of her and still remember every single thing abt her....from the start,i already knew it...i knew this gonna happen to me....this is not the first or the second time this happen...its already afew time and yet he did it again...i cnt blame him....everyone makes mistakes,so is he....i blame myself for this....maybe i am wrong....he loves her and remember every single thing abt her....and he didnt loves me....im juz a stranger that bothers his life and screwed things up....im sorry to hv to say all this...maybe this is the truth...from ur eyes,i cn see it...theres a sad truth that i must be prepared to except....every single time u say abt her,it juz leaves more deeper scars upon my heart....i noe u wont understand it...its ok...soon u will understand it....everytime i say i love you i really meant it,im not saying it for the sake of saying only....but u,...umm...nevermind...i never talk to u abt my ex bf....and i try my best to avoid that topics regarding ex....but it looks like u keep bringing bck that topic....maybe u love talking abt ur ex gf [Ruth] ....i respect it...how lucky she is to hv a guy that still remember her all this while...she's such a great girl....and i realise that i wont be the same as her....i am Roziana,i am not Ruth....if u loves her,by all means go for her....i wont stop u from doing it....im happy if ur happy....if she's the reason that cn craft a smile upon ur face,then i guess its better i leave u two together.....i dont want to see u sad when ur wif me...i noe i cnt make u hapie like wat she onces did for u...im not angry at u....believe me....i juz want to see u live happily ever after wif the one u loves....that skool reminds u of her....that workplace reminds u of her...that block reminds u of her...that toilet at the void deck reminds u of her ,that picture of u and her wif ur frenz in ur facebook reminds u of her and everything reminds u of her....that juz shows how much u loves her.....i hv no rights to ask u to forget her....u hv the rights to do everything as u want....who am i to stop u from doing it....im juz a stranger....
u...i am sorry...i hv been keeping this to myself and its killing me bit by bit...for this past few months we hv been together,i tried to learn something....i hv learned to give and take...but,i alweiz give in wif u....i hv given u alot of chances but it seems like u dont even care...i admit i hv a few guy frens,but they are only FRIENDS to me....thats it....furthermore they noe that they hv to kip their distance towards me coz they noe i already attached to u...but,i nvr talk to u abt my ex thingy....but u alweiz did...and it juz send me a message that u still hv her in ur mind....i think,i better go....i better make my move....i dont want to stop u from the one u love....i promise,i'll pray for ur happiness wif her.....im not saying this for fun,im saying this for real....even though its hard to let u go,i hv to be strong enough to face all this matter....im gonna smile when i see u wif her again...i promise u this....i noe u hate me being like this...for that i am sorry....i noe my attitude sucks...but,im stating this crystal clear.....i admit i do love you so much but,if ur happiness is wif her not wif me,i think we better end this....theres no point ur wif me but actually ur heart isnt wif me but still and forever will be wif her....i am sorry if i hv hurt ur feelings....please take good care of ur health,eat ur medicine and rest well....
assalamualaikum....
